Little known facts about Ted

I recently found myself staring at the edit page for my Google profile, and it had all sorts of questions to answer about myself to let everyone know more about me. Things like "describe yourself in 10 words", and "list your 'bragging rights' here"

In that same spirit, I present the following lesser known facts about myself (for which the statue of limitations have expired) to my one reader:

- I enjoy reading history and science books.
- I have never been arrested or booked into any sort of detention or correctional facility.
- I can talk like Donald Duck.
- I have permanent hairline fractures in my front teeth resulting from a parasailing accident.
- I have an irrational fear of spiders.
- I once nearly lost a pickup truck into Utah Lake.
- I caused another boy to break his collar bone in first grade, leading us to become friends for life.
- I have a lead foot.
- I have never broken a bone (except for toes that were never x-rayed or treated).
- I have driven over 150 miles each direction just to get an Original Tommy's chili burger.
- ↑↑↑ More than once.
- I have 5 kids that I love and adore.
- I have jumped off a roof holding nothing more than an umbrella.
- I once threw an alarm clock through the screen on a window of a second story window.
- I once had hair long enough to put into a 6" ponytail.
- I carve pumpkins with power tools.
- I can fix cars, but my desire to do so is inversely proportional to the necessity of doing so.
- Despite frequently wearing a t-shirt that says "No, I will not fix your computer", I probably will anyway.
- I can and sometimes do answer the question "Are you really that stupid?" with "Yes".
- I will try nearly anything. Once. (See the umbrella and parasailing entries above)
- I am married to my best friend.
- I am the man your parents warned you about.
- I will be the man who walks 5000 miles and falls down at your door.
- I have probably not seen [insert latest trendy movie here].