In reflection this morning, I realized that I’ve never really documented September 11th in my own words. I feel like the events of that day have had a profound effect on who I am, so here is my raw account.
On the morning of September 11th, 2001, I was at work like any other morning. I was an account manager for Neovest, a company specializing in software performing technical analysis of the stock and commodities markets. This morning, I was on the phone with Darci, the office manager for a branch of Bright Trading, a nationwide day trading firm. I was helping her update all of her workstations with the latest version of our software. I was the first one in that day, starting at 6AM my time, 8AM eastern time. I had been on the phone with Darci for the better part of an hour when just a few minutes before 7AM, Darci said “Oh my God! Ted, are you watching the TV? A plane just crashed into the World Trade Center!” I stood up at my desk, and looked over my cubicle wall at the TV mounted on the wall, usually on and broadcasting CNBC. (We did this because we needed to be aware of what was happening in the markets when talking to our clients.) The TV had not been turned on yet that morning, so I covered the microphone on my headset and yelled out “Guys! Get the TV on! A plane just crashed into the World Trade Center!” I don’t remember who actually turned the TV on, but I finished my conversation with Darci and pulled my chair around to where the rest of my team was assembled, watching the events unfold.
We were watching and talking together, wondering aloud what could have possibly happened. We watched the replay several times, wondering if it had been a small passenger jet that had crashed. I remember us debating how likely it was that a pilot could make that kind of error. We also began to talk about our fortune as a company that our New York office had moved from the 82nd floor of Tower 1 just a week prior. One of our team, Andy, was out in New York that day to visit clients, and I remembered that he had planned to go into the city from our company apartment in Jersey City that morning. I thought about calling him, but decided against it, thinking that he had to be okay and that I would just be distracting him.
At 7:02AM we watched in disbelief as Flight 175 crashed into Tower 2. We had been joking around, wondering if anyone we knew had been hurt, and wondering what effect the first crash would have on the markets, but instantly we all fell silent. We zeroed in on the TV, watching and listening intently as the commentators were ordering a replay of the footage. I remember turning in horror as the replay clearly showed the second plane hit. I caught our IT Engineer’s eye as I turned around, and at that moment we both realized that this had been no accident. But we wanted to believe that it was some sort of fluke, some sort of grievous navigational error. We discussed the numbers of people that were involved. Something that amazes me to this day is the low number of casualties. There should have been close to 30,000 people there at work that morning. The stock market opens for trading at 9:30AM eastern time, and traders are generally in an hour before that.
We began to worry about Andy, and all of our other New York office based employees. At that time, we had 4 account managers, a technical analyst, and a couple of sales people based in New York. In addition, our VP of Sales was in town. The phone lines were jammed, so we resorted to Instant Messages and E-mail to communicate. Within a few minutes, we received a company-wide e-mail from our CEO letting us know that he had personally verified that everyone was safe. I can remember thinking over and over that this was like some sort of bad dream, or something out of a movie. All of the TV stations were saying the same things over and over again, but through the internet, we began to hear about other missing planes. Rumors abounded, but we sorted through them, trying to verify facts, the fear that other planes were heading to other targets being very real. Then, we saw footage of The Pentagon. This only intensified our efforts to obtain information on what in the hell was going on. Who was attacking us? Are there missiles in the air? Should I call family and tell them to… what? What would make them safe? What was the threat? And how is it possible that whatever client Jerry was talking to could be so utterly clueless as to what had happened that he would still want to diagnose problems with his software?
Just before 8AM local time, Tower 2 collapsed amid the damage and fire caused by the airliner. The live TV showed the collapse, and then replayed it over and over. A half hour later Tower 1 collapsed. Emptiness and numbness crept in. The enormity of this attack was just too much to take. My team and I just sat, staring blankly at the repeating TV reports for the space of a couple of hours, still worried that there were more planes in the air, traveling to more and more distant targets. Rumors surfaced that another plane had gone down in Pennsylvania.
At around 10AM local, noon eastern, our CEO sent an E-mail summarizing what had happened, reiterating that all of our employees were safe, and instructing us to go home to care for our families, and asking that we keep those who were injured and the families of those killed in our prayers. I left and drove home. I remember coming in the door to the startled look on my wife’s face. I threw my arms around her and just didn’t let go for a few minutes. I also remember needing to see my infant son, Trevor. It was a harsh realization for me that there were things out there that I couldn’t protect my family from. Before, I had felt like I could keep them from any kind of harm, and the loss of that belief felt like a crushing weight.
I finally lost it, broken down to tears, that evening at about 6PM local time. Of course, the TV was still on and giving us information as it came in. NBC news ended one segment with a montage of pictures set to the song ‘Watermark’ by Enya. The emotions which I had been repressing had built up all day, and finally overwhelmed me. I cried for nearly an hour. Listening to that song even now still brings back much of the emotion I felt that day. (This is not the montage video, but the music is the same.)
Like someone who has been robbed, I no longer felt safe. The sunny days of my youth were gone, and the future looked dark and dreary.
In the following months, our nation pulled together as one. In the aftermath, people were nicer to each other. Everybody had this feeling of solidarity that carried over into our daily lives. We all shared the fact that we were victims of this horrible tragedy, and in that similarity, we found it easier to overlook each other’s faults. Those feelings faded, along with the feelings of victimization. The wounds have healed, but left scars that fade just a little more each day.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Blasphemy?
So on the way to work today I saw a license plate that said “TRY GOD”.
Is it absolutely horrible that I immediately thought:
catch (exception e)
{
exception noFaithError = new exception();
//additional error handling code here
}
/nerd
Is it absolutely horrible that I immediately thought:
catch (exception e)
{
exception noFaithError = new exception();
//additional error handling code here
}
/nerd
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Responsibilities of a Citizen
This morning the radio show I listen to on my drive to work was doing an informal poll of people, asking who they are going to vote for in the upcoming election. You can imagine the types of people who crawled out of the woodwork to call in and expound upon their particular political ideology. However, I was filled with a mixture of amazement and disgust with one particular caller. A young man called in, saying that his fiancée is voting for Barack Obama, and although he didn’t understand why she was planning to vote this way, he wished he could do something about it. When the radio DJ asked who he was planning to vote for, he replied “Oh, I’m not registered to vote because I don’t want to be called in for jury duty”.
!
There are three directions I can go with how angry this statement made me.
Our Criminal Justice System has failed:
This kid just pointed out one of the huge flaws in our criminal justice system – in that a jury of your peers is no longer really possible. What you end up with is a jury consisting of mostly people who were not smart enough to get out of jury duty. Sure, there will be a small minority of people who consider it a civic duty to sacrifice part of their precious time to go decide whether or not a fellow citizen is guilty of the crime he or she is accused of committing by the State. Those people are most often rejected by one side or the other during jury selections. This leaves the people who truly do not want to be there, but could not come up with any way to get out of it. Our founding fathers once thought that good people could be counted on to carry out what they considered civic duties, but that was one of the many times they over estimated future generations.
People who do not vote have no moral standing to complain about our leadership:
Yes, people are granted the right to say pretty much whatever they want due to freedoms granted all citizens. However, if you complain about the state of things, but refuse to take any action - no matter how small - to fix the problem, you are a spineless windbag spouting so much hot air. Sure, it may not matter in this election that you vote one way or another in a state where you already know that the electoral votes are cast for the Republican candidate, but to bring about any sort of change requires good people to act upon their consciences and vote. Otherwise, how do you sleep at night?
Is it any wonder we have the divorce rates we do?:
This kid said that he didn’t understand why his fiancée wanted to vote for Barack Obama. While I can think of reasons to vote for AND against BOTH major party candidates, the problem here is that he doesn’t understand why the woman he plans to MARRY is voting for a particular candidate. He must really know her well. I’m not saying he has to agree with her reasons, but at the very least he should try to understand them. Hell, even be able to list a few if he can’t understand them.
My wife and I haven’t always agreed on political issues, but at the very least, at the times we disagreed, we understood each other’s positions.
Maybe I am just wearing rose-colored glasses as I look at the past, but it seems that each of the above issues were not a problem back when people actually took civic duties seriously. We as a nation have rallied together many times over the last couple hundred years of our national existence. How many problems we currently face would be dramatically changed if good people everywhere started to participate more in their own governments and lives, if people put the same amount of care into their spouse, family, and civic duties that they put into their jobs and hobbies?
Citizenship in this great country is both a right and a responsibility. It's high time some people learn this simple fact.
!
There are three directions I can go with how angry this statement made me.
Our Criminal Justice System has failed:
This kid just pointed out one of the huge flaws in our criminal justice system – in that a jury of your peers is no longer really possible. What you end up with is a jury consisting of mostly people who were not smart enough to get out of jury duty. Sure, there will be a small minority of people who consider it a civic duty to sacrifice part of their precious time to go decide whether or not a fellow citizen is guilty of the crime he or she is accused of committing by the State. Those people are most often rejected by one side or the other during jury selections. This leaves the people who truly do not want to be there, but could not come up with any way to get out of it. Our founding fathers once thought that good people could be counted on to carry out what they considered civic duties, but that was one of the many times they over estimated future generations.
People who do not vote have no moral standing to complain about our leadership:
Yes, people are granted the right to say pretty much whatever they want due to freedoms granted all citizens. However, if you complain about the state of things, but refuse to take any action - no matter how small - to fix the problem, you are a spineless windbag spouting so much hot air. Sure, it may not matter in this election that you vote one way or another in a state where you already know that the electoral votes are cast for the Republican candidate, but to bring about any sort of change requires good people to act upon their consciences and vote. Otherwise, how do you sleep at night?
Is it any wonder we have the divorce rates we do?:
This kid said that he didn’t understand why his fiancée wanted to vote for Barack Obama. While I can think of reasons to vote for AND against BOTH major party candidates, the problem here is that he doesn’t understand why the woman he plans to MARRY is voting for a particular candidate. He must really know her well. I’m not saying he has to agree with her reasons, but at the very least he should try to understand them. Hell, even be able to list a few if he can’t understand them.
My wife and I haven’t always agreed on political issues, but at the very least, at the times we disagreed, we understood each other’s positions.
Maybe I am just wearing rose-colored glasses as I look at the past, but it seems that each of the above issues were not a problem back when people actually took civic duties seriously. We as a nation have rallied together many times over the last couple hundred years of our national existence. How many problems we currently face would be dramatically changed if good people everywhere started to participate more in their own governments and lives, if people put the same amount of care into their spouse, family, and civic duties that they put into their jobs and hobbies?
Citizenship in this great country is both a right and a responsibility. It's high time some people learn this simple fact.
Monday, August 25, 2008
The measure of a man
There is an old adage which says "If you want to get the true measure of a man, look not at how he treats his equals, but at how he treats his subordinates." I tried to find the actual quote, so I could give proper attribution, but came up with a bunch of apocryphal listings without any indication of whom may have said it first.
(It was even stated in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, when Sirius Black tells Harry that Hermione has a good grasp of Barty Crouch's character.)
In my job as a Constable, I've served several people in high rank of wealth, status, or position in society. Based upon my own limited experiences, I've found that people with real status don't need to flaunt it. It is mostly those who aspire to greater stature that feel the need to tell me just how important they are. For the most part, when I've dealt with someone who truly has wealth, community stature, or other societal importance, they have been very polite and even businesslike with me.
Now I wonder if that is only because I carry a gun.
Just a week ago, the Utah State Senate Majority Leader felt the need to identify himself as such to a poor college student delivering a pizza. She had the nerve to tell him that her employer did not accept personal checks as payment. He must have felt that by virtue of his status in society a simpleton such as a pizza delivery girl would be overwhelmed by his ability to influence... something or other.
News flash: If you have to tell everyone how important you are, you aren't that important.
Unfortunately for him, the poor kid went home and blogged about it. All of a sudden, the news outlets were on this like white on rice.
Now this poor girl has been besieged by people both praising her for her backbone and berating her for tarnishing the sterling reputation of a great and visionary leader.
My advice? If you want to get the true measure of a man, look not at how he treats his equals, but his subordinates.
(It was even stated in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, when Sirius Black tells Harry that Hermione has a good grasp of Barty Crouch's character.)
In my job as a Constable, I've served several people in high rank of wealth, status, or position in society. Based upon my own limited experiences, I've found that people with real status don't need to flaunt it. It is mostly those who aspire to greater stature that feel the need to tell me just how important they are. For the most part, when I've dealt with someone who truly has wealth, community stature, or other societal importance, they have been very polite and even businesslike with me.
Now I wonder if that is only because I carry a gun.
Just a week ago, the Utah State Senate Majority Leader felt the need to identify himself as such to a poor college student delivering a pizza. She had the nerve to tell him that her employer did not accept personal checks as payment. He must have felt that by virtue of his status in society a simpleton such as a pizza delivery girl would be overwhelmed by his ability to influence... something or other.
News flash: If you have to tell everyone how important you are, you aren't that important.
Unfortunately for him, the poor kid went home and blogged about it. All of a sudden, the news outlets were on this like white on rice.
Now this poor girl has been besieged by people both praising her for her backbone and berating her for tarnishing the sterling reputation of a great and visionary leader.
My advice? If you want to get the true measure of a man, look not at how he treats his equals, but his subordinates.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Yet another empty fall
I love the fall. I love the crispness in the morning air, I love the changing colors in the trees, I love that I don't have to mow the lawn as much, I love that my life gets ever so slightly less busy after school starts for my wife and kids. But as much as I love the above, I really love football.
While I like watching NFL games, I've never really closely identified myself as a fan of one particular team, largely because living in Utah denies me the chance to have a 'hometown' team to root for. As such, I can watch NFL games and enjoy them, usually without regard to who is playing, instead enjoying the battle between individual players whom I like to watch.
That method of watching football somewhat quenches my thirst, but I really crave the ability to root for a local team. This brings me to college football. I have been a rabid BYU football fan for most of my life. I remember the heady days of Jim McMahon, even though I was only a little boy. I remember the hysteria following the national championship in 1984. I have Ty Detmer's autograph in my scrapbook. I just really love BYU football.
But BYU betrayed me.
They, along with the rest of the Mountain West Conference, wanted more money than they were getting. So they signed a dark backroom deal with a company whom is only one step better than the Mob, Comcast. This deal gave Comcast the ability to hold my love for BYU football hostage through their new sports network, 'The Mountain'. This is a channel created by Comcast to exclusively broadcast Mountain West Conference games. Now if I want to watch BYU games I have two options: go to the game in person, or subscribe to Comcast's services. As such, I have not paid much attention at all to the BYU football program the last two years. Not being able to follow the program closely, I haven't even tried to go to games in person. Why bother, if I can only watch a couple of games? I used to plan my extremely busy Saturdays around when 'The Game' was on, but now I might turn on the radio while I'm working on a project if I happen to remember.
Sorry Bronco Mendenhall, I would love to be able to follow the fantastic progress you have made with your program, but since I don't want to deal with Comcast in any way, shape, or form, I have been locked out.
Yet another year where I feel somewhat empty, and more than a little sad as time turns to what used to be my favorite time of year.
UPDATE:
A short while after posting this, I found a statement from the Mountain West Conference saying that they would be available on DirectTV (my satellite provider) starting on 8/28/2008. I heard something similar each of the last two years, so I wasn't holding my breath, especially since there was nothing confirming this on DirectTV's website. I was absolutely delighted to find that I began receiving "the mtn" as advertised, and was able to watch BYU play Northern Iowa last Saturday.
I've added entries in my calendar for all of the other games of the season...
While I like watching NFL games, I've never really closely identified myself as a fan of one particular team, largely because living in Utah denies me the chance to have a 'hometown' team to root for. As such, I can watch NFL games and enjoy them, usually without regard to who is playing, instead enjoying the battle between individual players whom I like to watch.
That method of watching football somewhat quenches my thirst, but I really crave the ability to root for a local team. This brings me to college football. I have been a rabid BYU football fan for most of my life. I remember the heady days of Jim McMahon, even though I was only a little boy. I remember the hysteria following the national championship in 1984. I have Ty Detmer's autograph in my scrapbook. I just really love BYU football.
But BYU betrayed me.
They, along with the rest of the Mountain West Conference, wanted more money than they were getting. So they signed a dark backroom deal with a company whom is only one step better than the Mob, Comcast. This deal gave Comcast the ability to hold my love for BYU football hostage through their new sports network, 'The Mountain'. This is a channel created by Comcast to exclusively broadcast Mountain West Conference games. Now if I want to watch BYU games I have two options: go to the game in person, or subscribe to Comcast's services. As such, I have not paid much attention at all to the BYU football program the last two years. Not being able to follow the program closely, I haven't even tried to go to games in person. Why bother, if I can only watch a couple of games? I used to plan my extremely busy Saturdays around when 'The Game' was on, but now I might turn on the radio while I'm working on a project if I happen to remember.
Sorry Bronco Mendenhall, I would love to be able to follow the fantastic progress you have made with your program, but since I don't want to deal with Comcast in any way, shape, or form, I have been locked out.
Yet another year where I feel somewhat empty, and more than a little sad as time turns to what used to be my favorite time of year.
UPDATE:
A short while after posting this, I found a statement from the Mountain West Conference saying that they would be available on DirectTV (my satellite provider) starting on 8/28/2008. I heard something similar each of the last two years, so I wasn't holding my breath, especially since there was nothing confirming this on DirectTV's website. I was absolutely delighted to find that I began receiving "the mtn" as advertised, and was able to watch BYU play Northern Iowa last Saturday.
I've added entries in my calendar for all of the other games of the season...
Thursday, July 31, 2008
A man faces his fears - and survives!
I've mentioned before that I am deathly afraid of three things: Spiders, Snakes and Needles. I would rather deal with dirtbags armed with knives or guns than spiders snakes or needles. Each of them can make me scream like a little girl.
Of course I'm afraid of other things, but those three top the list. If I have time to mentally prepare for it, I can get a shot at the doctors office, I can squash a spider for my wife, or even pick up a snake. But if I am startled, all bets are off.
A little known fact about the little town of Saratoga Springs, Utah which borders the north west side of Utah Lake is that historically, in the later part of the summer, large numbers of spiders build giant webs in the area to take advantage of the astronomical number of mosquitoes found around the lake. There have even been news stories about it from time to time. This doesn't just occur around Utah Lake, but also the Great Salt Lake. In Saratoga Springs, as neighborhoods are going in, the sage brush the spiders used to spawn these webs are disappearing, and the spiders along with them. (Probably aided by copious amounts of bug spray!)
Last night, while working my part time job as a County Constable, I was tasked with serving a summons to some people who live about a half mile south of the last neighborhood at the south end of town. Just a single house by itself out in the middle of the sage brush.
There was a black lab which came to greet me as I drove down the driveway. I've been bitten three times in the 10 years I've been doing this, so I always take the time to stop and let a dog check me out, make friends with me before I approach the house. This dog was pretty friendly, and walked with me towards the house. I was looking down at him, paying attention to him as I walked through a decorative archway / trellis thingy over the sidewalk... right into my own 'Indiana Jones Like' nightmare of spider webs!
I stumbled a few steps while ripping sheets of spider webs from my face and head, dropping my clipboard & papers, very nearly having a total breakdown. After beating every inch of my body trying to kill the spiders which may or may not have been crawling all over me, I looked up to the front door & noticed a sign which said "Come around to the back (basement) door - we don't use this front door".
As I walked around to the back door, carefully avoiding the archway covered in spiders trying to repair the damage I caused to their webs, I noticed that every nook and cranny around the house, especially in the eaves up near the roof, were covered in spiders and their webs. And not little, common house spiders. Big fat scary spiders. The bodies are about the size of a quarter, with the legs extending out past that. They were either "Cat Spiders" or "Orb Weaver Spiders".
Cat Spider:
Orb Weaver Spider:
I talked with the people in the house, and they told me that they don't use any pesticides or poisons because "the spiders are our friends, and those poisons kill living creatures". In other words, they are freaks.
I asked them to check my back, to make sure that I didn't have any spiders on me before I left. Thankfully, they said they couldn't see any.
I'm sitting here freaking out just writing about it. But I survived.
Next time, give me papers for the violent ex-con. At least my .45 will work on them.
Of course I'm afraid of other things, but those three top the list. If I have time to mentally prepare for it, I can get a shot at the doctors office, I can squash a spider for my wife, or even pick up a snake. But if I am startled, all bets are off.
A little known fact about the little town of Saratoga Springs, Utah which borders the north west side of Utah Lake is that historically, in the later part of the summer, large numbers of spiders build giant webs in the area to take advantage of the astronomical number of mosquitoes found around the lake. There have even been news stories about it from time to time. This doesn't just occur around Utah Lake, but also the Great Salt Lake. In Saratoga Springs, as neighborhoods are going in, the sage brush the spiders used to spawn these webs are disappearing, and the spiders along with them. (Probably aided by copious amounts of bug spray!)
Last night, while working my part time job as a County Constable, I was tasked with serving a summons to some people who live about a half mile south of the last neighborhood at the south end of town. Just a single house by itself out in the middle of the sage brush.
There was a black lab which came to greet me as I drove down the driveway. I've been bitten three times in the 10 years I've been doing this, so I always take the time to stop and let a dog check me out, make friends with me before I approach the house. This dog was pretty friendly, and walked with me towards the house. I was looking down at him, paying attention to him as I walked through a decorative archway / trellis thingy over the sidewalk... right into my own 'Indiana Jones Like' nightmare of spider webs!
I stumbled a few steps while ripping sheets of spider webs from my face and head, dropping my clipboard & papers, very nearly having a total breakdown. After beating every inch of my body trying to kill the spiders which may or may not have been crawling all over me, I looked up to the front door & noticed a sign which said "Come around to the back (basement) door - we don't use this front door".
As I walked around to the back door, carefully avoiding the archway covered in spiders trying to repair the damage I caused to their webs, I noticed that every nook and cranny around the house, especially in the eaves up near the roof, were covered in spiders and their webs. And not little, common house spiders. Big fat scary spiders. The bodies are about the size of a quarter, with the legs extending out past that. They were either "Cat Spiders" or "Orb Weaver Spiders".
Cat Spider:
Orb Weaver Spider:
I talked with the people in the house, and they told me that they don't use any pesticides or poisons because "the spiders are our friends, and those poisons kill living creatures". In other words, they are freaks.
I asked them to check my back, to make sure that I didn't have any spiders on me before I left. Thankfully, they said they couldn't see any.
I'm sitting here freaking out just writing about it. But I survived.
Next time, give me papers for the violent ex-con. At least my .45 will work on them.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Into the abyss
We've reached the abyss.
It happens each year, right around this time.
There is absolutely nothing going on in the sports world that I care about, even a little bit.
I don't consider myself to be a big sports nut. I love football (both college and pro), & I love pro basketball. Not enough to watch for hours and hours each week, but I keep up on standings & catch a game (or at least part of a game) each week.
This, along with the steady stream of news stories accompanying all of the above, keeps me reading Sports Illustrated 8 months out of the year.
But from the time that the NBA finals finish in the middle of June until the first college football games in August, it seems like there is NOTHING at all sports related to be interested in. Sure, the NBA draft can once in a great while be almost interesting to get hyped up about, but that didn't happen this year.
I am fully aware that baseball and NASCAR fans are probably outraged that I wouldn't consider their sports worthy of attention, but I mean 4-5 hours of watching baseball for just a small handful of hits, of actual excitement? I just can't get into a sport that takes a break to stretch 2/3 of the way through the game. And NASCAR? Please, I see 100 or so rednecks trying to ram each other off the road each day, but I call it 'Driving in I-15 traffic'.
It happens each year, right around this time.
There is absolutely nothing going on in the sports world that I care about, even a little bit.
I don't consider myself to be a big sports nut. I love football (both college and pro), & I love pro basketball. Not enough to watch for hours and hours each week, but I keep up on standings & catch a game (or at least part of a game) each week.
This, along with the steady stream of news stories accompanying all of the above, keeps me reading Sports Illustrated 8 months out of the year.
But from the time that the NBA finals finish in the middle of June until the first college football games in August, it seems like there is NOTHING at all sports related to be interested in. Sure, the NBA draft can once in a great while be almost interesting to get hyped up about, but that didn't happen this year.
I am fully aware that baseball and NASCAR fans are probably outraged that I wouldn't consider their sports worthy of attention, but I mean 4-5 hours of watching baseball for just a small handful of hits, of actual excitement? I just can't get into a sport that takes a break to stretch 2/3 of the way through the game. And NASCAR? Please, I see 100 or so rednecks trying to ram each other off the road each day, but I call it 'Driving in I-15 traffic'.
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