Cigarettes

I haven't had a cigarette for over 10 years. This fact doesn't stop me from craving one when I get really stressed out, even after all this time.
Having been really stressed out today, I began to ponder. What in the world would make me desire to have a cigarette after all this time. It certainly isn't physiological, not after 10 years. in addition, there are a whole list of reasons not to smoke. Health issues, being ostracized from society at large, constantly smelling like an ashtray, not being able to taste food as well, extremely high cost, nicotine addiction, second-hand smoke effects on those around me, the list goes on and on.

So what exactly is it?

In short, cigarettes make me think more clearly.
Expounding on that, I must admit I've never been a chain-smoker. I'd get really stressed out about things, smoke a pack or two over the space of a couple of days, then I'd quit again for months at a time. Therefore, for me, smoking was a coping mechanism.
When I would be stressed out, most of all, I usually sought solitude. I sought the time to think things over carefully, to seek internally solutions to my problems. Generally, my multi-tasking brain cannot handle processing just one thing at a time. I am nearly always doing several things at once. It is just my nature.

But when I smoked, everything just stopped. I didn't usually smoke around other people. With each drag, concentrating simultaneously on the sublime beauty of each individual lit strand of tobacco while carefully controlling my breathing, I was able to force out all other threads of thought save two: My lit cigarette, and the problem I sought to analyze. With the nicotine buzz came emotional numbness and the ability to step back away from my problems and take an objective look at them while detached.

Over time, I'd like to think that I have developed better coping skills than ingesting known carcinogens. I'd like to believe that I am a better man now than I was 10 years ago, wiser and more responsible. I'd like to think that I would set the example for my 4 sons which I would like them to emulate.
I'd like to think all of those things.

So why do I sit here craving a cigarette?